Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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