where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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