i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
