I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
