do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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