Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
