I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
