My first STD was from a foam party
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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