Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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