Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
