and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
