just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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