I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
