Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
