let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
