All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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