i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She even gives head with a lisp.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
