is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
