I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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