THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
