You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
