I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
