Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
