I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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