So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
