I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
