3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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