So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
