shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
