I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
