I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
