Can i not drive my cunt home
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
