You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
