i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
