Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
