Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
