mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
