it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
