if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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