I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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