ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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