Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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