Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
