If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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