you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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