If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
