Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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