I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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