Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
