I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
