ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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