i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
